Do you blame yourself for having anxiety?

If you have had an anxiety problem for any length of time, I bet you are very hard on yourself. You might beat yourself up for feeling the way you do. For missed opportunities that came your way or just feeling your life has been on hold.

Being hard on yourself goes hand and hand with anxiety. But it does not serve you, it only prolongs anxiety and stress.

It’s time to forgive yourself.

Forgiveness reduces internal psychic tension and that in turn helps heal anxiety at a deeper level.

This is a really short but powerful exercise for anyone who blames themselves for having anxiety.

1. Go back in time and think of the person you were when you first experienced anxiety. How old were you? Where were you living? What did you look like? Can you identify a trigger for the anxiety?

2. Now imagine that younger you is asking for forgiveness from the present day you:

Forgiveness for having anxiety.
Forgiveness for getting so scared.
Forgiveness for avoiding life
Forgiveness for making mistakes.
Forgiveness for feeling so lost and alone.

3. Can you listen and then forgive that younger you?

Sit with this for a while. Don’t rush it.

You don’t have to feel a deep level of compassion and forgiveness, but I would suggest you just open to the idea of it.

Jar that door open a little and the sliver of light that appears will help you heal much faster. If you can forgive yourself for having this anxiety problem, you start to accept yourself with more compassion.

Compassionate acceptance cools the intense heat of anxiety.

Try it.

No one else can do this for you.

Barry

31 Comments

  • Nick Firman Reply

    Hi Barry, I have had problems with Anxiety since I was 3 years old when I was seriously burnt. I am now 49 years old & feel that this illness has stopped me enjoying my life for to long, I am on medication for anxiety & Depresion but feel like this is just a sticking plaster over a gapping wound,but after reading your e-mails & identifying with all the symptoms & thought patterns I now feel theres a glimmer of hope & that there are people out there that really do understand & want to help beat this horrible illness, it is a comfort to know that you’re not alone.

    Many thanks,

    Nick

  • Linda martin Reply

    i was really moved by the notion of forgiveness, i could see myself all those years ago and i cried , i am still crying. I will explore this further , it just feels so right. Thankyou , so much.
    linda x

  • Mary Reply

    I was raised by a narcissist mother. As a baby, as a child and to this day ( I’m 52) could never do anything right. My life has been plagued with anxiety , depression and self loathing. I can’t seem to forgive myself because I don’t know what I need to forgive. I feel I’m just wrong to be alive.

    • Jennifer Reply

      I know what that feels like….to feel wrong simply for being alive. I am glad someone else said it.

    • Chris Reply

      Imagine the person you are describing is somebody else. I bet your compassion would reach to the stars. That person who is searching for a resolution, a meaning, a cause.

      “I don’t know what I need to forgive”

      There is nothing to forgive, there is merely a search for a defect that doesn’t exist. You are perfect in every way.

  • Fran Reply

    I am dissapointed and angry at myself because I have to deal with this anxiety…I was too scared to make a choice, I lost the person I still loved and the only relief I’m finding is to try to be compassionate and forgiving towards myself. For hurting him, for hurting me….. I don’t understand myself right now but I am opening the door to compassionate forgiveness towards myself….thank you, the timing is great.

  • ufomadu ugochi Reply

    Is like you are really in my mind and exactly knew what i am passing through,and nobody seems to understand how tormenting I am feeling.I love what you sent and hope to get more of it.thank you very much

  • Kim Reply

    Hi Barry, I have had problems with Anxiety almost 20 years since my last semester in college. No one could understand how I felt and who I can talk to until I found you. Your programs have helped me traumatically. From time to time, when I start to have the bad and obsessive thoughts, I always refer to your emails, newsletters, articles and Panic Away book and it’s always helped eliminated my bad and obsessive thought because you understand how I feel and you speak my language. You are so wonderful and I don’t know how to thank you enough for what you have done. You had helped bought my life back. Thank you very much!!

  • Erin Reply

    I’ve only had anxiety for exactly a year now. is been the hardest year in
    my life. I’m very blessed to have found your program as early as I did
    instead of 20 years from now. I’m only 18 years old. And I’ve turned
    down so many opportunities because I’m afraid. including college. now
    it’s time to turn my life around. thank you Barry.

  • david painter Reply

    i first experiance of anxiety was when i was 19 i am now 70 i was going away to live and work in
    another country which i did do for a number of years i am back in my country of birth now
    i do regret i could have done more if not for my anxiety problem

  • Aaron Reply

    Hi Barry, It’s been almost a week and a half of anxiety filled nightmares…waking up drenched in sweat!!! it’s been HELL for me but your newletters and emails have been the quiet after the storm.. free from Rx pills and facing my demons of past and present..Thank you! You remind me of Louie the chiropractor from Jacob’s Ladder the movie…telling me the demons… are actually angels, settings me free….

  • Jilly Reply

    Dear Barry ,
    Thankyou for you emails ,they always seem to arrive when needed! Having suffered for decades with anxiety and panic and sometimes not forgiven myself for not doing things ,you have inspired my thoughts to think differently .i hope that one day my spirit will be free of this and to live life to the fullest.Thankyou for encouraging words and helping so many .you are very special person ,keep up the good work.Jilly .

  • Heather Reply

    Hello, I’ve delt with anxiety since I was a young girl. Another female classmate triggered, and was the cause of this anxiety. She didliked me and every opportunity she and her friends found, tormented and bullied me. It got so I hated all mankind and trusted no one. I turned to animals for friendship and understanding. I still suffer from anxiety, but through some anxiety classes, have learned exercises to help control these attacks.

  • uman Reply

    hi i m uman i have read all ur mails thanks for faith encouragement in people ok so i ‘ m having this anxiety since last 2 year i feel like i m going to fail down everything is moveing i feel very dezzy all the time and once a week i get painc attaks plz reply m e n help me more info thanks may god bless u

  • Nana Reply

    I was dignosed of high blood pressure and since then have been taking steps of correcting it naturally. I am always scared am going to die and its eating me up soo much and that triggered so many anxeity problems with pains . How do I tell my self am ok then fight my anxeity.

  • Janet Reply

    Do I blame myself for having anxiety? Of course I do. Who would I blame if not myself? I know what I am afraid of and still can’t conquer it bi am afraid of myself. After all it is my thoughts and my feelings that give me panic attacks so in a sense I fear myself. I feel weak and embarrassed and out of control.

  • Judy Reply

    I suffer from guilt and it is from the smallest of things like eating , talking to a person , going places, shopping, ect. I have a hard time doing everyday things, making decisions are awful and i end up getting angry and physically sick and start to panic and get out of control. This panic is just killing me and i have thought many times i am going to go insane. Guilt, fear, anxiety ride me 24/7.I worry all the time about being sick which i am. I wake up every morning scared to death. I am sick tonight and am afraid to go to sleep because i wake up sick and scared and it ruins my day and life. Help me please.

  • galla Reply

    hi barry u are amazing.to be frank with u ive been receiving ur newsletters for a long but I never cared to read a single.bcoz I had did some much to treat my ocd all gone in vains thats why I lost faith in any help.today I just casually read ur latest letter about self forgiveness.I’m amazed with ur few words that now I feel hopefull to kick this monster illness ocd out of me forever.plz send such more self appealing letters regularly.thank u so so much

  • Cass Reply

    I’m picturing myself younger asking me for forgiveness and I wanted it so bad but all I end up doing was yelling at myself in my head and blaming myself. Just thinking about it is a step but I can’t seem to truly find peace with my past yet.

  • Andrea Reply

    I can not imagine my younger self asking for forgiveness because I am still searching for ”the younger me”. I can’t find her because I do not know when did she experience her first panic attack. Was it the first time she changed her school(from the class with 6 children to a classroom full of 30 kids), or was it the first time she was insulted and couldn’t find courage to fight for her self … Or maybe, when she was a teenager and she would stand in front of an entire classroom feeling like someone is going to punch her in the stomach, or maybe her inability to maintain friendships for more than 2-3 years …

    I am still searching for her, and when I find her, I will say:

    ”I am sorry for not being there for you when you were trying to enroll yourself into a college you always dreamed of because of you anxiety … I am sorry for not being there for you when you were shaking like a leaf when you had guests in your house and you couldn’t say a word because your mouth were so dry and you barely looked someone in the eyes … I am sorry that you had and still have to stay at home sometimes(almost every time) because you have extreme feeling of anxiety … I am sorry that you don’t have friends, that you can’t get a job because you are too scared of job interviews, signing your name in front of someone, eat or drink when you think people are watching you … I am sorry for letting you down and made you miss so many chances in life … ”
    I don’t blame my younger self, because no one told her that what is she going trough is normal and that it will pass. Now I found this program and a got a hope, thank you 🙂

  • Don Reply

    This is good advice. I’ve know about the importance of forgiving yourself, but haven’t heard it just like this. I just want to say that it is equally important to practice forgetfulness by saying so as well, otherwise unforgiveness will keep cropping up again. Just say something like… I consider the matter forgotten, etc. and move on.

  • Sambit Reply

    Hey Barry,

    Apart from reading your blogs, I am into yoga as well as some medication. Everything seems fine. The moment I stop medication, the anxiety seems to hover over me. I ve been trying my best. Lets see how long this is going to happen.

    Thanks for helping people out of anxiety.

    Regards,
    Sam

  • Arjun Reply

    i am having anxiety problem. It kills me when it attacks me. god knows how much life i ve wasted and still am wasting. i ve been anxious so mANY MANY times that i ve lost interest in many things but wanna live. i did like to correct by my exp if forgiveness is TRUE the matter is forgotten and put aside. but there are some memory problems, that seem to haunt some people i know, but forgiveness will help. trust me but u seem to lose interest by forgiving truly, in my experience.

  • David Painter Reply

    Hi Barry yes forgiveness does help with
    with the program this therapy is a godsend
    i shall keep it forever when i need it

  • Richard Clark Reply

    Thanks Barry, I think about self forgiveness, but that hasn’t worked for me, I still think that the world would be better off, if some car left the road and killed me while I was walking. I’m fining it more difficult to deal with this problem. I’m now on abut 6 different medicine and they don’t seem to connect with my body until in the afternoon, when I can take another dose. I’m going to work on this self-forgiveness, but right now, it doesn’t seem to make a dent in my wishing to die right this moment.

  • Renee Reply

    I Barry, thank you for all your emails. I am having a very hard time with anxiety/depression. Please I need help, I take my medication and do much praying to our Dear Lord to help me with this terrible hell.
    Thank you for any help for me.
    Renee

  • Michael Reply

    Hi everyone, almost everyone i meet, including most of my family has a panic attack when they encounter me. All I have to do is look at them and they start to crumble in front of my eyes. I can even take them out from distances in excess of thirty yards! So it helps me to try to see the humour in it as otherwise I should lose the will to live. For the last twenty years, I’ve been through almost every social anxiety that could be mentioned and as I deal with each one, It manifests in a different way. It now holds the ultimate, foolproof strategy. Not even I with all my twenty years experience can I resolve this one, as it is for the most part, out of my hands. In short, I make everyone far more anxious than me and of course this in turn makes me more anxious. Sometimes I don’t even have to look at them, just be in the same room as them and they fall apart.Useful if you where a dictator! So life is terribly lonely, yet I don’t give up. Think I will have to forgive everyone I encounter for being anxious even though that seems conceited. I have spent a long time forgiving myself and that worked before but not anymore. Today I found that If I laugh to myself at people turning into wrecks in front of my very eyes, it seems to help the situation. That may sound cruel but it seems to work. Does anyone else in the world out there have the same trouble? I would love to hear from you. Finally I wish everyone success in their journey to beat this terrible thing and remind them what Barry said about finding great inner strength. Yes indeed, I have it in bucket loads, if only i could put it to use! Best regards, Michael.

  • saeed Reply

    Hi
    I started having panic about 2 years ago when I was driving night shift work on dark high way.at the bigginig I thought it was heart attack so I did so many checkups all came negatives. Then I started read through the net one of them was you .I continue read your weekly letters now I know exactly what is wrong with me and how to overcome it. Now I drive work everyday one week a month as night shift I can deal with anxiety even though sometimes become unbearable but at least I know what is going on with me

  • Ratu Reply

    By reading of all these problems, i see me in my past. Just say goodbye to ur past. Let all the anger and frustrations go with it. It is nobody’s fault. It happened. Let it be. Dont afraid of your future or what is going to happen tomorrow. Focus for today. Do the best today. Just do the best that u can to yourself, your spouse, children, parents, friends, neighbours and anybody all around you. Feel good about yourself. You’re perfect in everywhere. Dont judge yourself.. or anybody. Be yourself.. you are OK. Feel Good, Be Good, Do Good…

  • suzi Reply

    Hi
    i am 42 and have anxiety from age 30 due to a tragic event, as I read these posts I came to understand that I`ve had this problem all my life but wasn`t able to name it before. From beeing in weird moods, to extremly tens and anxious to not leaving my house becouse of fear and panic. I lost most of my friends and now just want to be normal and functional for my family. It is so hard to remember myself jung becouse I was always restless and fearfull. Thank you Barry, your mails are keeping me sain, I`ve purchased Panic away in 2005 and read it still often… excuse my English… it is not my mother tongue

  • Connie Reply

    Dont know where to begin. I am 67 yrs old. I have severe depression & acute panic for the last 2 years. I had so many changes in a very short time. Made alot of bad decisions. My guilt is catastropic! I was not a good mother when my children were younger.I wasnt there for them. They turned out great anyway. I am very proud of them. But I can’t forgive myself. I lost all of those precious years. Recently I found out I have cancer and I really don’t care. I feel like I will never be a normal person again. .I have been reading your emails and they do help. So keep up the good work.

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