February 7,2010
Kelly @ 6:06 am
For the past month I have been suffering from mostly nighttime panic attacks. This began innocently, while sitting in church, after being panic-free for about the last 3 yrs. I am no stranger to panic attacks-suffered my first one while preg. with my 2nd child during a terrible respiratory illness and have dealt with recurring memories/sensations of my near strangulation/near massive stroke caused by a tumor when suffering from Hodgkin’s Disease 15 yrs ago, so naturally anything that affects my ability to breath (or if I perceive it to), now just sends my nervous system into a tizzy. So I felt blindsided as I happily watched my 7 yr old daughter sing with her church choir on a Sunday morning in December, and immediately began a fresh cycle of terror —something of which I was CERTAIN was dealt with emotionally, in therapy, with meditation, at one point–medication. I was secure in the knowledge that so long as I now understood the origin of the attacks and just the knowledge that that’s all that they are, and nothing medically wrong, then they would not come after me anymore. I was certain I had all of the tools I needed and panic was a thing of the past. Fast forward from that morning in December (only 1 month ago) to just 3 nights ago before I signed up for your mini course and now my quality of life had rapidly deteriorated to this:

While making dinner for my 4 children I took 1/2 pill Klonopin as prescribed several yrs prior for panic attacks. My hands shook slightly, slight dizzy spells were coming and going, my chest felt tight, I found it uncomfortable to breathe.

About 2 hours later, feeling no relief from general anxiety (as nighttime approached–my evening of horror when insomnia and panic had become its worst)….I took another 1/2 pill Klonopin

Bedtime: No relief, only more anxiety about the night’s events to come. Moved onto to taking Ambien (as also prescribed yrs prior for my panic/night wakings) Fell asleep.

Awoke 4 hrs later with heart racing, could not breath. Took another 1/2 dose Ambien. Prayed, suffered through and finally passed out still in a state of sheer terror.

Exhausted the next morning(again), and by this point basically never recovering between rapidly firing attacks at night and in a general state of anxiety and depression by day, I filled out your form for the mini course. That evening I received my first newsletter already sharing the technique of attempting to bring on my panic attack at the location that triggers them the most. That for me?? The bed! I got my children to bed alone–as usual since my husband must live out of state 4-5 days of every wk for work for the past yr (see where much of this all began?), went to the bedroom, closed the door, shut off the lights, jumped in to bed and said, “Bring it on.” This amazing thing happened………..at some point I fell asleep. No anti anxiety meds, no sleep aid-nothing. I awoke around 4-5 hours later, somewhat panicked and tried your technique again and………. fell back to SLEEP! Unbelievable. I am so grateful and so hopeful and although I have much work to do-I’m ready to do it b/c I’d all but given up and had myself convinced I was slowly drifting from my children, my husband, my happy life into what I envisioned to be a mental hospital–a place where I would live out the rest of my life in this living hell where no one could reach me again. I shake my head as I type that b/c now it just sounds ridiculous. I’m not going anywhere, I’m ordering your full course and I’m taking baby steps to really learn how NOT to let it get to this point again. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

Learn More About Panic Away Permalink Reply 1.April 13,2010
Cathey @ 7:55 pm
Dear Kelly at 6:06 a.m.
Okay I have read your comment and you are the first person I have heard has these night attacks. With or without Ambien. I just started having this issue about 6 weeks ago after falling and hitting my head. I just started reading these notes and I am glad to say I am not the only one dealing with this or entirely losing my mind(I have to convince myself of this). My husband also travels and I am scared to be alone. How did we conquer this and not let it control our lives. It is affecting my work and myself. I would not wish this on my wort enemy.
I will wake up in the middle of the night suddenly with sweating, shortness of breath, tingling in my arms. UGH! I try to talk myself down then get up and go to the living room. Sitting up on the recliner to sleep with the television on seems to be my safe haven lately.
I am totally at a loss and depressed. I just wish I could have my life back.
Thanks.