Have you ever wondered why people often experience setbacks when they begin to tackle their anxiety? Setbacks happen because, as you face your anxiety and the situations that make you feel uncomfortable, the avoidant/protective side of your personality becomes active.
When you decide to tackle your anxiety issue head on, the protective side of your personality would rather that you left well enough alone. Your protective side doesn’t like taking risks and feels better when you don’t put yourself in situations that make you feel anxious.
It’s the part of you that says:
“Let’s stay in our comfort zone today. At least we’re safe here.”
This part of your personality has your interests at heart, but you know deep down that a life cocooned from all adversity doesn’t lead to happiness. When you begin on your healing journey, it’s all new and it can feel like you’re moving into unknown territory. You quickly master areas of your life that were causing you problems.
Your protective side takes a back seat and watches with suspicion as you make this progress. Then, after a while, your protective side becomes more active for fear that, with all this progress, a great fall must be just around the corner.
As you move upward and onward, your protective side gets scared and tries to put on the brakes. This creates a conflict and fuels feelings of anxiety. The feelings can be very intense and might be similar to what you’ve experienced before-such as panic and general unease-or there may be new sensations never experienced before.
You might have been doing really well for a week, but then your protective side pops its head up and says something like this:
“Okay, well done. We’re not worried about dizzy spells anymore -fine. But what’s that ringing in your ear?”
“That sounds like trouble to me . . . LET’S GET WORRIED.
“No panic attacks in a week-great. But don’t be fooled. That means a really BIG one is about to pounce!”
These thoughts undermine your confidence. Suddenly you’re feeling vulnerable again, and the anxiety can return as your confidence dips and you obsess again about the way you feel. This kind of response is natural in recovery, and if you’ve experienced a setback recently, I want to show you how to best deal with it.
The first thing to remember is that setbacks happen. Try to never let a setback convince you that you’re not making progress. It doesn’t mean that all your progress has been undone. In general, setbacks are inevitable, and you need to have an accepting attitude toward them.
Secondly, setbacks form part of your healing. To move beyond the anxiety, you need to work with the protective side of your personality and teach it that there really is nothing to fear. When setbacks occur, it’s an indication that you now need to take your new understanding and work with your protective side, which is resisting the change.
You might want to think of that protective side as a small child who doesn’t want you (the parent) to take risks or do anything out of your comfort zone. Talk to this part yourself. Reassure it that all will be well and that it’s necessary for you to work through the anxiety in order to experience more freedom and happiness.
Setbacks can feel like a big step backward, but they’re generally followed by rapid progress on many levels if you engage fully with this protective side of yourself.
There’s an opportunity here for you to create a new working relationship with your protective self, and this will really seal your recovery. When you educate your protective self that you’re really safe and encourage it to take the steps with you, you become fully empowered to end your anxiety problem. All of your internal energies go in the same direction, and there’s no conflict.
Persistence will carry you through all setbacks and ensure your success.
Keep your confidence intact. Build it on the past, on each time you’ve succeeded.
Play those previous successes like a film in your head, again and again, each night as you go to sleep. All the panic attacks you’ve dealt with, all the sensations of anxiety you’ve felt and yet you still got on with it.
General anxiety disorder and, especially, panic attacks are probably the most frightening experiences a person can go through. In most cases, you feel like you’ve had a brush with death itself. That’s no small feat to deal with while on your lunch break!
Be proud of your experiences. You’re not a cowardly victim, but a survivor of a terrifying experience-and what’s more, you probably stayed at work or collected the kids from school. You continued living. Sure, there may be a few hairy anxiety memories in the past that you’d prefer to forget, but the underlying emotion to build upon is that you survived and you’re here now, alive and living a new day.
Build a wealth of memories, and they’ll be your resource from which to draw strength. Write them down, because that solidifies them and makes them more real in your mind. Read them to yourself regularly.
Be sure to keep a diary as written proof of the progress you’re making-the trips you take that weren’t possible before, the special days when you completely forgot you ever had an anxiety problem. You need to keep a record of these achievements because it’s easy for your protective side to negate the great strides you’ve made.
Confidence, just like fear, is contagious. Soon you’ll find it spreading to all areas of your life, giving you a quality of life even beyond your pre-anxiety days.
Always try to focus on the success you’ve achieved, and it will grow and expand in your life.
Persist with it. Turn a setback into an opportunity to solidify your real confidence. Regardless of what happens, you can handle it. Regardless of how your body feels, you’ll move through the anxiety and come out the other side smiling.
If you remain persistent, setbacks can be quickly turned to your advantage, and you’ll be strengthened by the experience.
Setbacks are delicate periods to move through, so you also need to be kind to yourself. Understand that they’re the result of YOU just trying to protect YOU. Be your own best friend. When you take your protective self by the hand and teach it that there’s nothing to fear, you’ll quickly march toward a greater experience of freedom.
Recovery is not a straight linear process. It will help if you try not to measure success on a day-to-day basis. Some days will be better than others-that’s just the way it is, so don’t get upset if you complete something successfully one day but fail the next.
Keep your eyes on the end goal, and persistence will carry you there.
What If My Anxiety Comes Back?
After a person has successfully moved out of their anxiety it is only natural, to at some stage, fear its reoccurrence. I call this the anxiety shadow. It is a worry in the back of your mind that the anxiety could return with full force and disrupt your life all over again.
Anxiety leaves such a strong imprint on people’s lives that it is normal to have such concerns. Fearing a return of anxiety is common when your life becomes stressful again and you worry that the extra stress will tip you back into a state of general anxiety. If you find yourself worrying in such a manner have faith that all will be well.
This worry is just a shadow of what has gone, it is based on the past not the future. Generally the anxiety shadow passes quickly after a day or two and you forget about it again. Remind yourself of the new tools and education you have. Take solace in the fact that your new understanding will lift the anxiety quickly again were it to return.
To your success…
Barry Joe McDonagh
P.S. If you have experienced an anxiety setback and want to get over it quickly, get the support and information you need in my course Panic Away. Stage 3 of the course deals specifically with overcoming setbacks.
Visit: www.panicaway.com
All material provided in these emails are for informational or educational purposes only. No content is intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment. Consult your physician regarding the applicability of any opinions or recommendations with respect to your symptoms or medical condition
i think that i am making some progress slowly.Thank you very much
Hi, I have been suffering for two months now. I can’t keep up in school and started a new job. The first week it happened to me I was really bad. I have now gotten to a stage that almost my thoughts don’t bother me as much but the sensations are debilitating. I wake up every night with tremors and vomiting that last about 6 hours. I hope to get better soon and look forward to the mini series as they get me through each day. Thank you so much!
I think I’m progressing very well about the emails that you sends me;
in 2007 I had car accident i never wanted to be in a front seat while my husband driving, I felt that it will happen again and i would die, this thing has been playing in my mind since 2007, Secondly I had 3 miscarriages and with the 3rd one i couldn’t survive with the anxiety it was the severe one and on my mind i told my self that i dont want to have another child because my mind was fearing, everything was fearing in my life, even a plastic when fall down my heart jump, I was so scared of everything in life now. Couldn’t go anywhere. but you save my life.
now i ready to do everything steady I’m fearing to do.
your so right,when you say,a full on panic or anxiety attack can feel like your dying.ii’ve wound up thinking it could be something else,i’ve suffered anxiety most of my adult life,but my first real panic attack happened on dec 8th 2008. NOT FUN,i’ve had aprox 9 this year.Sure glad i found this site in time,your teaching me alot. thankx ……Joseph
im glad u sent me a email im 30 an i had anxiety for 7 or more years i felt like losin my ming goin crazy and hurtin myself i didnt no wich way to turn didn wana tell anyone but im gettin better please send me some more email thjank god for you
thank u so much even when i read ur article i knew you could help me i beenm sufferin for 7 years or more and i wouldnt wish this on my worse enemy i thought i was gana lose my mind thats why i think god for you plz send me more encouragin emails thank u so much
its good to know recovering is a process….it makes my disappointments go away….never ending thanks to you…
thanks a lot now i have lot of confidence. i had suffered from anxiety so i worried about this class i pressured the thought to go away not come again but the thoughts never go it comes bigger the next time. As i was involved in the class i said now u can stay with me but i will give you just 20 seconds time
with regards
balaji
Glad I found this formula on the attacks..im glad to see im not the only one, I thought I was ill while having these attacks and thought I was having a heart attack, and felt an emense sense of dread and fear, my legs shake and I feel like running out of the room. Too be honest it was by accident I found out it was anxiety attacks and always thought it was just me..I still suffer from day to day but can now see a glimmer of light way down the tunnel . x
thank you from the bottom of my heart. I am trying to implement your suggestions everyday. it is helping to make a hope in me that it is possible to recover from any kind of anxiety.
regards
salini
I have been having panic attacks and feeling generally uneasy since I almost drowned over 10 years ago. I have tried stress management counciling and this helped for a while. Over the past 3 1/2 years I have had 2 children and each time my anxiety has grown, my GP has put it down to Post Natal Depression and offered me medication but I am really reluctant to take any drugs, especially since I’m breastfeeding. My youngest is 4 months old and I am so glad that I found this course on line I now feel that I am getting some useful advice and coping strategies that I can work with.
Hi Joe
thanks for the information and its a big help to try and understand why i feel like I do and its great to get this info free.
I have been fighting Panic attacks off and on for years. On top of the Panic and Anxiety I have Low Blood sugar which fuels the fire.
The 1st round of anxiety lasted about 5 years straight. No one new nothing about this medically. I became a hermit while the world moved on. Then out of no where for 2 years I was good. Then one morning I woke up BAM they were back! I was devistated. This has continued off and on for 17 years. My last bad experience was in 2001 through 2004. Then again out of no where I was good. 2 Weeks ago out of no where Bam! They are back! I was determined to fight this Demon. I have lost good jobs over the years, my husband has as well because of my nightmare. I fight till it seems I have nothing left. I was so happy to see this article about set backs, because there are times honestly I feel as though I can take one more step. I too do not want medication if possible. I have fought many years to be a surviver. It doesn’t get any easier. Thank you for all your help in keeping me in tack.
Hi Joe, I had a setback this week, a full blown panic attack having a dream about my families terrifying escape from the Tsunami. I have been very successful in my line of work and reminding myself of the victories over those years and remembering those instead of the bad times is really useful. I will write them down and read them out loud to myself for extra fortitude. I agree with what you say. Anyone who can live through anxiety and continue everyday living is a truly remarkable individual. It takes huge guts and resilience and those people should remember they’re not alone in their suffering. These e-mails have been a godsend for me this week. They remind me never to be complacent and keep doing the things that work. The gratitude, the water drinking, the 20 second countdown. Bring it on and what you resist persists. So much practical advice. Good luck everyone else reading this and keep going and stay strong.
Hi Joe,
I’ve been suffering for most of my life. It started when I was 6 or 7 years old. I went to therapy and that seemed to help somewhat. 7 years later I had a huge panic attack and haven’t been able to recover from the fear. It’s been about 9 years and for the most part was able to handle my anxiety. I would avoid any triggers that would cause it and I would just deal with it . But last week I had a huge panic attack again, not just the general anxiety’s that I usually have. The whole feel like I’m going to die, my hands super sweaty, I can’t concentrate and am not making sense. I instantly knew what I was feeling and why I was feeling that way. Unfortunately I don’t have a strong support system because people don’t understand that I feel a very different sensation of fear then they do. I felt so alone, but after reading the last few Newsletters I am more aware of an ending. I can’t picture my life without anxiety and panic attacks, but I’d love to not have them… these newsletters are extremely helpful… some new and unheard tactics for my fight. Thank you.
Thank you So much for this!!When I open my mail and I read your course I feel better already!!I would like to get the course,but live in South Arfica,and don;t have a credit card.How do I go about?
Regards
Adri
Hi Adri
To buy Panic Away offline:
Cheques or money orders for US$67 (for the digital download version)
or US$127 (for printed version including delivery) should be
made out to
Barry McDonagh
Address:
BMD Publishing
1133 Broadway,
Suite 706 New York,
NY 10010
USA
On receipt we will post out your package, or email you the instructions on how to download the course, and how to avail of the private consultations.Please include your name, address, phone number and email details in the letter and send us an email once the letter is in the post.
Kind regards,
Sal
HI JOE.Just last week i was on a mexician riveria cruise,wound up slamming into hurricane RICK!!!! my anxiety went to a whole new performance,O.M.G,so i used what info i could remember,and weathered through it.upon my return i saw my shrink,he doubled my dose of alprazolam,and added another.So i go to get them filled,,and suddenly thought,AM I NUT’S? what have i been reading this past while on this site?! SOOOO, instead i stopped it right their,went home cut the med’s in half,went on champix to stop smokeing.I have to get this condition under control,and i need a CLEAR MIND to do it,good information is key,and not to be in a numbed state of mind.I could not have done this a month ago.! we are all in the same state,let’s take a deep breath and read…
Hi Joe
I have suffered from Chronic stress since 2005, I have had ongoing acupunture which helps me. I definitely feel that drinking more water and more exercise is also a great help. Also meditation is a great healer. My main problem is that family do not understand that I still suffer (not all the time) and can’t even contimplate driving on the motorway. Your newsletter is a great guidance in making me realise there are also a lot of other sufferers out there who welcome your guidance.
All great information. Knowledge is power and also understand how intricately and detailed the thyroid works with anxiety and depression is important. I highly recommend specifically reading THE THYROID SOLUTION to find out how incredibly involved the thyroid can be in anxiety and depression issues. Best of luck to all.
I really apprectiate this course. I feel much better in the past 2 weeks, more confident.
I have not had any attacks. Kind of feel like my old confident self.
Hi,
Massive thankyou for all your emails. I’m not sure what place i’d be in without them as no-one (GP’s) seemed to be able to help without pills. I don’t feel as panicy about going to sleep