Setbacks Happen On The Road To Recovery
Have you ever wondered why people often experience setbacks when they begin to tackle their anxiety? Setbacks happen because, as you face your anxiety and the situations that make you feel uncomfortable, the avoidant/protective side of your personality becomes active.
When you decide to tackle your anxiety issue head on, the protective side of your personality would rather that you left well enough alone. Your protective side doesn’t like taking risks and feels better when you don’t put yourself in situations that make you feel anxious.
It’s the part of you that says:
“Let’s stay in our comfort zone today. At least we’re safe here.”
This part of your personality has your interests at heart, but you know deep down that a life cocooned from all adversity doesn’t lead to happiness. When you begin on your healing journey, it’s all new and it can feel like you’re moving into unknown territory. You quickly master areas of your life that were causing you problems.
Your protective side takes a back seat and watches with suspicion as you make this progress. Then, after a while, your protective side becomes more active for fear that, with all this progress, a great fall must be just around the corner.
As you move upward and onward, your protective side gets scared and tries to put on the brakes. This creates a conflict and fuels feelings of anxiety. The feelings can be very intense and might be similar to what you’ve experienced before-such as panic and general unease-or there may be new sensations never experienced before.
You might have been doing really well for a week, but then your protective side pops its head up and says something like this:
“Okay, well done. We’re not worried about dizzy spells anymore -fine. But what’s that ringing in your ear?”
“That sounds like trouble to me . . . LET’S GET WORRIED.
“No panic attacks in a week-great. But don’t be fooled. That means a really BIG one is about to pounce!”
These thoughts undermine your confidence. Suddenly you’re feeling vulnerable again, and the anxiety can return as your confidence dips and you obsess again about the way you feel. This kind of response is natural in recovery, and if you’ve experienced a setback recently, I want to show you how to best deal with it.
The first thing to remember is that setbacks happen. Try to never let a setback convince you that you’re not making progress. It doesn’t mean that all your progress has been undone. In general, setbacks are inevitable, and you need to have an accepting attitude toward them.
Secondly, setbacks form part of your healing. To move beyond the anxiety, you need to work with the protective side of your personality and teach it that there really is nothing to fear. When setbacks occur, it’s an indication that you now need to take your new understanding and work with your protective side, which is resisting the change.
You might want to think of that protective side as a small child who doesn’t want you (the parent) to take risks or do anything out of your comfort zone. Talk to this part yourself. Reassure it that all will be well and that it’s necessary for you to work through the anxiety in order to experience more freedom and happiness.
Setbacks can feel like a big step backward, but they’re generally followed by rapid progress on many levels if you engage fully with this protective side of yourself.
There’s an opportunity here for you to create a new working relationship with your protective self, and this will really seal your recovery. When you educate your protective self that you’re really safe and encourage it to take the steps with you, you become fully empowered to end your anxiety problem. All of your internal energies go in the same direction, and there’s no conflict.
Persistence will carry you through all setbacks and ensure your success.
Keep your confidence intact. Build it on the past, on each time you’ve succeeded.
Play those previous successes like a film in your head, again and again, each night as you go to sleep. All the panic attacks you’ve dealt with, all the sensations of anxiety you’ve felt and yet you still got on with it.
General anxiety disorder and, especially, panic attacks are probably the most frightening experiences a person can go through. In most cases, you feel like you’ve had a brush with death itself. That’s no small feat to deal with while on your lunch break!
Be proud of your experiences. You’re not a cowardly victim, but a survivor of a terrifying experience-and what’s more, you probably stayed at work or collected the kids from school. You continued living. Sure, there may be a few hairy anxiety memories in the past that you’d prefer to forget, but the underlying emotion to build upon is that you survived and you’re here now, alive and living a new day.
Build a wealth of memories, and they’ll be your resource from which to draw strength. Write them down, because that solidifies them and makes them more real in your mind. Read them to yourself regularly.
Be sure to keep a diary as written proof of the progress you’re making-the trips you take that weren’t possible before, the special days when you completely forgot you ever had an anxiety problem. You need to keep a record of these achievements because it’s easy for your protective side to negate the great strides you’ve made.
Confidence, just like fear, is contagious. Soon you’ll find it spreading to all areas of your life, giving you a quality of life even beyond your pre-anxiety days.
Always try to focus on the success you’ve achieved, and it will grow and expand in your life.
Persist with it. Turn a setback into an opportunity to solidify your real confidence. Regardless of what happens, you can handle it. Regardless of how your body feels, you’ll move through the anxiety and come out the other side smiling.
If you remain persistent, setbacks can be quickly turned to your advantage, and you’ll be strengthened by the experience.
Setbacks are delicate periods to move through, so you also need to be kind to yourself. Understand that they’re the result of YOU just trying to protect YOU. Be your own best friend. When you take your protective self by the hand and teach it that there’s nothing to fear, you’ll quickly march toward a greater experience of freedom.
Recovery is not a straight linear process. It will help if you try not to measure success on a day-to-day basis. Some days will be better than others-that’s just the way it is, so don’t get upset if you complete something successfully one day but fail the next.
Keep your eyes on the end goal, and persistence will carry you there.
What If My Anxiety Comes Back?
After a person has successfully moved out of their anxiety it is only natural, to at some stage, fear its reoccurrence. I call this the anxiety shadow. It is a worry in the back of your mind that the anxiety could return with full force and disrupt your life all over again.
Anxiety leaves such a strong imprint on people’s lives that it is normal to have such concerns. Fearing a return of anxiety is common when your life becomes stressful again and you worry that the extra stress will tip you back into a state of general anxiety. If you find yourself worrying in such a manner have faith that all will be well.
This worry is just a shadow of what has gone, it is based on the past not the future. Generally the anxiety shadow passes quickly after a day or two and you forget about it again. Remind yourself of the new tools and education you have. Take solace in the fact that your new understanding will lift the anxiety quickly again were it to return.
To your success…
Barry Joe McDonagh
P.S. If you have experienced an anxiety setback and want to get over it quickly, get the support and information you need in my course Panic Away. Stage 3 of the course deals specifically with overcoming setbacks.
Visit: www.panicaway.com
All material provided in these emails are for informational or educational purposes only. No content is intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment. Consult your physician regarding the applicability of any opinions or recommendations with respect to your symptoms or medical condition
Marie
I am now over my panic attacks but wish to share the joy with others that there is hope and life after panic attacks. It has not been easy for the following reasons – employer did not understand neither did family, thought I had gone mad, worst thing whispers in the office when I returned or people not talking to me. I am now a better person for this as I will never walk past someone having attack but will totally understand and talk to them. Life is for living and not for existing which is what a lot of people do when they have experienced panic attacks. I do feel I have aged from this experience but am making the most of who I am now. I am not working at present feel could not take pressure any more, even though this is a huge obstacle for me, I will achieve my goal and have now just completed a complete Microsoft Word package of Word, Excel and Powerpoint to enhance my opportunities. Keeping busy helps and especially exercise, many people experience difficulties in their life, to get a second chance is everything, go for it now and enjoy life.
jeni.
Thankyou so much for road to revovery but its my confidence that has gone and I need to change everything everytime of an attack. I had a big one 2008 and my confidence is lost will it come back.i stuggle sitting in rooms where i have an attack this is not normal is it. What tips can I learn. Thanking you so much what you have sent me is fantastic. As this letter says i need to move on. I do try.
Sally
I did not even realise I had been having panic attacks until recently, I truly thought they were allergy reactions! I could not breath, my tongue would swell etc but this is probably because I had a few frighten attacks like this in the last year.
your emails are so empowering and could only beso if you really understood what they were.
thank you for turning yur experience and help into guidance for us all.
Sally
ray
thanks barry for the free newsletters,they have helped alot.
i am now going out there and trying to confront my fears. i was fearing going anywhere where i had an attack
now i take a deep breath and just go and confront these places ,sometimes its hard but in one week i can go to many different places including a packed baseball stadium.everybody out there you will have better days if you try to confront your fears , just always say to yourself i can always back out if i want and before you know it you will get better
burhan
thanks a lot u r my hero this cource has helped me a lot till now but i am not really sure that if i have anziety of drepression but still i feel by giving confidence we can do it thanks barry joe
Kate
I am finally on the road to recovery after getting your book! Honest to goodness, after so many trips to the Doctor, ER and Therapists….finally God has led me to you. I couldn’t take the anxiety and panic attacks anymore. I am not at 100% yet, but everyday I am trying and can see the light at the end of the tunnel – FINALLY. I respect anyone with anxiety and panic….for we are brave everyday….and we are great people. I applaud all of you that are on your journey.
narendra
Thanks a lot. It did help me under very tough situations
marck
Yup really for twenty (20) years I experience depression it begins when a strong earth quake slam our city wherein i was trapped inside the collapse school bldgs. for almost three (3) hours, in my mind the whole world eroded i can’t help my self but to pity experiencing after shocks, again same experience i felt when I enter in a soldiery service and until now i am experiencing big set backs when i encounter hard problems… million thanx for the e-mails yov’e sharing wit me its nice to know that I am not the only one experiencing and encountering this depressions and anxieties.. yes life must go on believe in your self you empty your mind replace it with good thoughts and achievements …. . Barry Mcdonagh thank you very much
Kyle
Thanks so much for the daily advice, sometimes i think im going crazy so afraid of it, it all triggered since my 1st oanic attack in 2008. i found your website and daily advice so helpful and very encouraging. thanks a lot barry.
Ann Mitchell
I have panic attacks, and do not like taking meds. I am taking 200mg l-theanine each night, and it is really helping. It’s an amino acid that helps calm down your amygdala, part of your brain that gets very sensitive with initial panic attacks, and keeps on repeating these until it gets calmed down. Try the l-theanine – it can’t hurt, and it might help.
rebecca
tank you so much barry i have suffered with panic attacks ever since i lost my sister nd brother they went away for a while with medication but i did not want to get addicted to the medication so i stopped taking them and low and behold the anxiety came back i find these feelings are a lot worse after a night of drinking. i really want to get to the stage where i cant remember what an anxiety attack was like. your site and your emails have been brilliant and hopefully wit a bit of work and confidence i can get better tanx again xx
Carol Quattrone
Thank you so much Barry for all your help, I’ve had anxiety and panic attacks for years, I am 63 now, they were really bad when I was 30 years old, it was the most horrible feelings ever. I went to three different doctors and really got nothing out of it, my husband was a huge help, any confidence I have today was from my husband’s help. When I came across Barry’s site, it was when I was taking a trip to Italy for my sons wedding, I was so anxious because I was never on a plane and I did not like staying away for a long period of time. This was 4 years ago, I read all Barry’s courses and believe me I am here to say he helped me through the whole trip, I had no anxiety at all following his advice and it helped me up to this day. Believe me I am a much stronger person then I ever was, and I had anxiety and panic most of my life, I thought I would always be that way, but that is not true, you do get better. Thank you so so much for all your help. Carol Quattrone
surespathak
thanks for the all the mail that r really helping me in some way or another,, keep it up that gr8 work!,godbless
Daniela Mihalik Salma
Dear Barry,thank you so much for this mini course.I write down some of the parts in my diary to help me bild my confidence.I am going on a one week trip and I am determine to win this fight agains anxiety!
Thank you and I wish you all the best.
Daniela (Serbia)
Nigel Stephens
Thank you so much for your emails – I feel like I have just got my life back.
I no longer fear panic attacks.
I have taken your advice from everything I have learned from these emails and your website. Almost
straight away, my anxiety levels started to drop – and now a week later, I feel happy again, without
even the slightest concern that I may relapse, knowing that I have some tools to deal with the problem.
The advice on rehydration was particularly helpful for me. Thanks again for your help.
Mohammed Asif
Hi
I am much thank full to you for the your encouraging emails and tips to handle anxiety sent everyday … I have been suffering from anxiety for at least 8 years now and honestly speaking I din’t know it was anxiety until 2 months back.. the normal symptoms I had were hypertension and very hi palpitation.. i have been under medication for past 2 years now but whenever I get these attacks all my medicine will have no affect…
It is unbelievable I am feeling much better and the confidence of being safe is wonderful… I am seriously looking forward for taking this course and live a normal life.. the Articles sent everyday are so amazingly encouraging and I am sure the product will be a complete heal…
Regards
Asif (31, Male)
Nats
I am going thru a setback right now have read this article thrice already will do what you are saying and give feedback.thanks so much for these great mails
leyanne
thank you so much for your emails i really appreciate it.i look forward to gettin up every morning to reading the next step in your mini serious.i hav been doin really well for the last week its the depersonalisation that gets me the most,but they are not lasting as long as they used to now it only happens in situations that i had them in before so it is obvious im getting them because i think im goin to get onewas doin really well but had a set back two nites ago when i had a panic attack,i started losing confidence.i now understand that it is ok to have setbacks and i will continue to fight this till the end.i am not a victim i am a survivor.
thank you again u u are a godsend..
Julia
I too am so grateful to you Barry for your encouraging and alternative ways to view and handle anxiety.
No person is exempt from anxiety and panic! I have suffered with generalized anxiety and the odd panic attack for many years on and off.So did my mum.
I work as an experienced Specialist Nurse Practitioner in General Practice;appearing calm confident and in control and with a special interest in Mental Health!!Unable to help myself however.
3 years ago I lost my mum to cancer and when signing the death certificate found myself shaking and panicking to the point that my signature didnt resemble mine.Several days later and still very anxious I went back to work…..that is when my problems really began.
Doing my first blood test of the morning I was shaky and the patient commented and not very nicely ;after that I put myself through 2 years of fear and worry of doing the tests in case I shook and often did….that escalated to even taking stitches out or anything that needed a steady hand…..my anxiety levels were through the roof but I continued facing it every day.This impacted at home too.not good in my profession; I knew my feelings were irrational and not founded on anything other than my mind working overtime. I guess it had turned into a kind of phobia of shaking and people noticing!! I tried the deep breathing…”get a grip” exercises and things got worse.I left my full time job and did a bit of agency work and smoking cessation where I felt safe and decided not to put myself through it again.(My protective side finally won I think!)
Recently however I have started a part time job at a village surgery as a minor illness nurse;again a safe option and I am so calm and focused in this role… but the occasional blood test or suturing have been inevitable….leading me back to the same fear,anxiety and panic.I was almost at the point of letting this protective side win again then I researched and found you!
I have read and re read your advice in your wonderful emails which are alternative but so sound!.I have talked to my protective side not to interfere again(until now I didnt even know it existed but it so makes sense!),discovered gratitude,water and not to fear the anxiety but to just accept it..I think the not fighting it bit made the biggest change in me.
Today I removed stitches…..anxiety on scale of 1-10 about 5 and NO panic,no comment was made even though I felt shaky.
I then decided that my next patient required a blood test..took a deep breath and did it for the first time in almost a year…anxiety scale 0.I left work a very happy nurse.
Im sure I will have relapses(and will read how to deal with them!) but want to say a huge thank you for guiding me and giving me the confidence that no one else has.If I cant cope in the future I will definately sign up for the whole course!
Im not normally a horoscope reader…but for some reason did this week and it said..”you have been steeling yourself for the possibility of some heart wrenching change.The change that is about to take place in your life is essentially a change of attitude not of circumstance.Your eyes are about to open wider and as they do you will see that all is due to be much as it was before,only better.”(Daily Mail Saturday16th July) How bizzarre!
That about sums it up and Thank you so much Barry.
Julia(52yrs) UK
mary rose
thank u so much !.im from Philippines .. may i asked if theirs any Bookstore here in Phil. can buy the panic away book?
theresa
these articles are very interesting ! i am realizing i have had panic attacks for at least 40 years and didn’t know what was wrong with me . my husband kept rushing me to the hospital many times and by the time i got there the symptoms had all but disappeared . the emergency doctor just gave me zantac and sent me home . no signs of heart palpitations and they didn’t know what it was . went to doctor who sent me for all kinds of tests ,but nothing showed up even with the stress test . my daughter finally diagnosed my problem and i talked again to my family physician .she gave me medication to see if that was the problem ,then i checked the internet and learned about breathing techniques to help me . i am still suffering at times and am trying to control it without medication . sometimes i think it is hopeless . i enjoy these articles very much !
Monica
Hi Barry,
I’d like to say THANK YOU from the bottom of my heart. This is my first day at work after 3 months of suffering GAD. I work in a mine siutated about 2000 ft high up the mountain and first started exiriencing tightness in the neck and throat area leading me to think I had chest problems. After everything the doctors could not do anything to help and I prayed to JESUS and he led m eto your website.
Reading your emails I’ve tried them and they have worked wonders, not to mention all the confidence bossters that you’re newsletters come with.
I have told the Anxiety that today is the day I get my life back and praise the Lord I feel so confident and much stronger!!
paul byrne
Barry, thanks a million for the emails, i really appriciate them.
it’s great to know that someone can explain exactly what we’re
going through.i find reading them a great help. once again thank you very much.
Brad Earl
I am curious to here how many people that suffer from this condition start like I did. I have heard that going to get a hair cut, talking in front of a group of people, driving, flying and fear of taking exams. These common fears let me know that my condition is universal. I am know 55 yrs old and found that there is no quick fix and through life experiences, you can learn that all the avoidance rutiens that you have learned can be reversed. It is almost like listening to your voices in your head and doing the opposite. This takes courage and will power but it is well worth the uplift that you receive. But you have to understand that life is a ongoing thing and you have to understand that feeling good is on a continuim that has a positive and negative polarity. What goes up must come down and you cannot command that you should always feel good. You can however discover JOY ! and this feeling can shine through but you have to get out of the way.
Sok
Thank you so very very much for your daily e-mails. It really helps, and this topic about setbacks is probably the most important for me to read it all times, because setbacks always come to me very often. Although progress seems slowly to me, but at least I feel that I am not alone, and there are many people out there, like you, to understand me and help me. God bless you, Barry.
karishma
thanks barry for all that u are doing for people having this threatening attacks……this is the 6th email i’ve got ,and im just feeling MUCH BETTER…….i thought i would never find someone who could understand what problems i suffer….but god is really great,ifound this site and came to know about so many people who suffer from the same condition…Thanks a lot…god bless
girlie
Thank you so much for the emails that i received. The knowledge that i learned from Panic Away made my recovery faster than i thought. My life is easier and happier now. I feel i am beginning to be free step by step from helplessness to a life of hope. Your advices are very wise. I believe I could live again the life I enjoyed because Panic Away teaches me not to be afraid of panic attacks. A panic attack vanishes the moment it is being hunted.
Again, thank you. May many more people find your site so that they will be greatly helped and relieved.
Frank
I feel like the program is working. I do have some anxiety with a new job but I am coping with it.
I had a rough time yesterday after not getting much sleep the night before, however today seems to be going well.
Thanks for all the support.
Carter
Its like you read my mind! You seem to know so much about this, like you wrote the book in it or something. I think that you can do with some pics to drive the message home a bit, but other than that, this is wonderful blog. A fantastic read. I’ll certainly be back.
Annabella Meads
Thank you for your blog article.Much thanks again. Fantastic.
Julie
My anxiety came on around 4 weeks ago!! i use to suffer from Epilepsy many years ago, I have been cleared 20 plus year but i do fear it will return. My anxiety comes on when im driving, not when im on the move but at traffic lights,. I need my car for my job and before my panic attack loved driving. Your news letters are helping me. Thank you so much
corburt erilio
I was looking through some of your articles on this site and I think this website is very instructive! Keep putting up.
yarak
I thought that I would be able to move forward with the right information,